Women and wine — it’s perhaps the closest and most fun relationship out there. It’s stable, strong and reliable.
Wine is there to comfort you in the toughest of times and the most exciting of celebrations. Perhaps this is why women love wine in the first place — there is always a time for it.
Whether you are drowning your sorrows from yet another miserable day at the office or celebrating your most recent promotion, you know exactly what you are doing at the end of the day — that’s right, cracking open (or twisting off the cap of) a fresh bottle of vino.
So why is a wine drunk better than any other type of drunk out there?
You could be celebrating with tequila shots, but your classy ass goes straight for the vino.
2. It’s technically fruit
How many glasses does the recommended nine servings translate to?
3. Even if your teeth are purple, you still feel sexy
Chances are you won’t even realize your once pearly whites have turned five shades darker.
4. And even if you’re sh*tfaced, you still feel classy
You may not look it, but you certainly feel like it… and isn’t how you feel more important than how you look?
5. You don’t feel bloated the way you do after beer
You don’t get full from wine the way you do with other alcohols, which is probably why this is always your drink of choice.
6. The bartender can never mess up your drink order
The only way your bartender could possibly screw it up is if he under-pours the glass.
7. Because talking about it makes you sound smart and pretentious at the same time
You may not know anything about tannins or varietals, but you know you like Riesling and, honestly, that’s good enough for you.
8. It serves as a great excuse to eat cheese
As if you needed any other excuse besides “you felt like it” to drink wine, pairing it with cheese just makes you look like the classy individual you are trying to be.
9. No one will judge you for drinking it at 9 am on a plane
Everyone understands — flying is stressful. That’s why they even serve alcohol on planes in the first place.
You know you’d be judging that guy drinking Don Julio on a 9 am flight, but no one would judge you for enjoying a nice glass of wine.
10. You can drink it in front of your parents without them thinking you’re an alcoholic
Finally! Something to prove to them you aren’t the alcoholic that they think you are.
11. Drinking an entire bottle isn’t frowned upon
In fact, it’s encouraged. Why do you think there are 2-for-1 specials all of the time?
12. Because one glass of red wine can be the equivalent of one hour at the gym
13. Because it now comes in the form of ice cream
Too good to be true? No, it really isn’t because now it’s here!!
14. It serves as the perfect excuse to stay in on a cold night
As if the cold weren’t a good enough excuse! At least you won’t really be alone if you have a bottle of wine with you. But it’s not as fun drinking alone, which brings us to…
15. There is no better bait to convince a friend to stay in with you than with a bottle of wine
One bottle for you, one bottle for me — who’s going to finish hers first?
16. It doesn’t matter if it costs $4 or $40 — it all does the same thing
When you’re drinking wine, you have at least one of two goals — to knock yourself out to sleep or to get drunk. So regardless of the price tag, any wine will take you down these routes.
17. The conversations you have while wine drunk are incomparable to any other form of liquor
When you’re drunk off vodka or tequila, no one knows what the f*ck you are trying to say, but when you ingest liters and liters of wine — there’s no shutting off your feelings.
18. Slapping the bag counts as exercise… right?
Seems like a hefty arm workout to me.
19. It’s much more comforting than a food binge
Food binges make you feel tired, upset and bloated. Wine binges just give you a headache. I’ll take that over bloat any damn day.
20. Because you can have a glass or two on your lunch break and nobody would know the difference
Trust me on this one.
21. It’s the best sleep aid you can get without a prescription
You may not remember falling asleep, but it will still be the best sleep you’ve gotten in forever.