An “average” looking person can be more irresistible than the magazine cover model because inner beauty trumps physical beauty. People may not remember exactly what you say, but they remember how you made them feel. When you make them feel important, you will be seen as sexy and irresistible to the opposite sex. You’ll also have more friends than you’ll know what to do with.
“Nothing makes a woman more beautiful that the belief that she is beautiful.” – Sophia Loren.
Nothing make a man more irresistible than the belief that he is irresistible.
When you believe you are irresistible and use the tactics below, you will be a magnet of attraction like bees to honey.
1. Be proactive, approach others first.
Don’t be shy. At a gathering, approach people, especially those who are standing by themselves. Just say, “Hi!” Everyone is waiting for someone else to take the first step, so they’ll think, “Whew! Finally someone to talk to…I’m not a loser.” It’s also okay to approach groups, as long as they seem receptive.
Are you comfortable taking the lead? If not, what are you afraid of?
How often has rejection happened when you said, “Hi?” If it happens more often than you’d like, it’s due to lack of confidence. When you believe in yourself, confidence follows and rejections will significantly decrease.
A smile from the eyes is a turn-on because it’s authentic. A fake “Oh…hi” smile is a turn-off.
Are your smiles genuine?
3. Eye contact.
Wandering eyes show you don’t care. Sustained eye contact makes the other person feel they are the most important person in the room.
When the other person is talking, do not let your eyes wander and do not look at your phone—unless you tell them ahead of time that you are ‘on-call.’
Have you been guilty of looking away when someone is talking to you?
It’s sexy to believe in yourself. Can you look in the mirror and say, “I love you so much, you are awesome?” If you can’t, you probably need to heal old emotional scars.
It’s a turn-off when you don’t believe you are lovable and awesome. Everyone has ‘baggage.’ If you are not your baggage, you can be a turn-on.
So invest in coaches, therapists and/or personal development programs that can help you make peace with the past so that you can gain the confidence to be the ‘you-est’ you.
How confident are you?
Watch this TED talk: Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are, by Amy Cuddy.
5. Say their name in the course of conversation.
The sweetest and most important word to your ear is…your name.
The last time someone used your name in the middle of a sentence, how did you feel? Probably pretty good. Especially with new acquaintances, say the person’s name in the course of your conversation. Since very few people do this with new contacts, you will stand out when you incorporate their name.
Have you ever used this tactic? If not, give it a try and watch their reaction and level of engagement with you.
6. Ask open-ended questions, starting with What, How, Why, and Where.
Don’t worry if you’re introverted. You don’t have to do the talking. You just have to be curious through asking questions because people love talking about themselves.
Start with some basics. “What brought you here? Where are you from? What do you do?”
Then, move on to these questions to take the ‘relationship’ to the next level:
How do you feel about that?
What’s exciting about your life? What brings you joy?
If you had a magic wand and you could design your life just the way you want it, what would that look and feel like? (Questions relating to dreams and aspirations are deep. They’ll be thinking, “You’re amazing!”)
Who would you get to be in this world if you were able to fully stand in the power of you? Why is that important to you? (This is a superhero question that will have others go crazy for you.)
Every answer contains the seed for follow-up questions. If they say, “We just raised $100K for that charity,” ask, “What inspired you to get involved with this charity?”
Have you ever gone deep with your conversations with strangers and acquaintances?
These questions work. I once struck up a conversation with a famous NFL football player while eating lunch at the bar of a New York City restaurant. Within 20 minutes, I knew his deepest fears and pains. I had no idea how famous he was until I Googled him afterwards. Obviously, I’m not a football fan.
7. Share your thoughts about a topic they brought up.
This shows you are actively listening. We feel validated when we feel heard. Another rung up the irresistibility ladder for you.
8. Show your vulnerabilities.
If the conversation is moving along and it seems right, share your fears and dreams. They may give you fresh perspective on how to overcome your fears. They may even know someone who can help you to realize your dreams.
9. Connect them to someone important in your network.
“What’s your most important goal this year? Maybe there is someone in my network that I can connect you with to help you get what you want.”
They’re thinking, “Wow, you are so awesome. This is too good to be true to have someone really care about me. What can I do to reciprocate?”
When you give others what they want, you will eventually get what you want because of the Law of Reciprocity.
Who can you help with an introduction?